Growing up as a young child in the 1970?s, my mother would always impart wisdom to me while she was ironing our clothes by say ?Delb, don?t depend on no man. Be self sufficient and independent. Make your own money, that way, can?t no man tell you what to do!? I remembered before she went to work at 4:30 am, she would fix our breakfast and leave it in the oven warming up so we could have a warm breakfast before we went to school. She taught me to to love family, take care of my brothers, and how to cook when I came of age.
She gave me everything I needed to take on the world as a woman except the foundation for relationships. Unfortunately, she couldn?t teach me that because she didn?t have a good foundation herself. My parents divorced when I was young. For most of my childhood/adult life, I had a step-father that was physically and mentally abusive. He did the best he could, but it just wasn?t enough. He had an old-fashioned way of thinking that everyone in the house was to do as he said and not as he did. Before he went to work he would drop us off to my grandmother?s house in the projects and let my grandmother and the neighborhood raise us while my mother was at work. During the times when he wasn?t working, he would curse everybody in the house out and beat up on us after he had a bad day of chillin in the streets, so I spent most of my teenage years wondering why we have to be subjected to it.
Adults need to realize that children learn from everything they live as a child. Whether it was good or bad, or even if both parents are in the home or not, parents still influence how their children prepare for relationships, love and marriage.
As an woman living through the liberation movement, I was determined to be treated as a man?s equal. I wouldn?t walk behind him, but beside him. I would become that self sufficient, independent woman my mother talked about and at the same time, obtain that loving husband and relationship I knew I was meant to have. My first husband was my daughter?s father, but looking back on things I realize he too loved me as best he could. I came to understand that my independence and lack of knowledge about relationships got in the way of my hearing him tell me and showing me that he loved me. I didn’t know how to interpret his intentions and actions as love because I had my own preconceived idea of what I wanted it to look like and so, when he didn?t give me love the way I wanted to receive it, I then felt must not have really loved me. It took me a long term to learn that. After interviewing the men, I started a journey about to learn how to really come to know what a man really wants. It seems society has encouraged women to lower or not have any standards at all in relationships and in doing so, their actions you caused them to have a misconceived idea about relationships. We are finding that there are a lot of single beautiful women holding down their households, wanting love but not in love. Even though the ratio of women to men is higher, there are a lot of great single men not in relationships because of the lack of standards in women.
This blog is shared to help identify not only the expectations, but also what some men really want in their dates, mates and wives and if women GOT THE MEMO, of knowing what a true man really wanted, there would be a lot more relationships in the country, than booty call dates or as the bachelors shared ?dates on rotation?. This blog is not to be considered a standard for everyone, but for those who are interested in having a productive, healthy, heterosexual relationship, this is for you!
To my beautiful daughter. It is for you and my other daughters that I write this blog. Because I allowed God to direct my steps as a parent, I can say I love the woman you have become. I remember the story you told me about the boy in high school that offered to walk you to class and how you told him if he walked you to class, he?d be late for his, and how you laughed it off with him and kept walking. I thank God that although my life wasn?t all that I expected, my love of God and my walk with him guided your steps and that?s more than I could ask for is this lifetime!
To my grandmother and family, though we have had our times and moments, I love each of you. Especially “momma” or grandma. And though some of you may have gotten in the way of our building a great relationship had you been ready, I have learned how to establish healthy boundaries and to be okay with it as it stands today. It is because of my life?s journey in love and relationships that I write this blog and I thank you for being who you are. You?ve helped me to understand why as women, we needed this information. And to the men that have allowed me the privilege of getting your views about this subject matter I thank you. Your desire to help me educate my sisters on what it takes to get off the ?Dating Buffet Table? and into healthy and productive relationships. Kudos to you all!!